Conflict widow - a life in mourning

The concept of conflict widows was not a new one for me. In a theorethical sense I knew that in Nepal, being in a vagueishly defined post conflict socio-economic state, many (I would even say most)single women associated with the death of their husbands suffer social exclusion, violence from their husbands’ families and limited options for income generation.

Then reality hit. Not only I think, because after eight months in Nepal have I started to get a deeper sense of how women without men are looked upon.On a deeper level, I have also started hearing what the Nepali activist women tell us when we meet them in the field. How they are not respected, often also seen as "out of hand", not seen as real women. This is in large part due to the conservative trend of the still heavily patriarchal societies in Nepal, which see a distinct ‘place’ for women as homemakers and child-raisers. Stepping out from this ‘norm’ can be dangerous for women, especially when they are seen to be ‘interfering’ and championing the cause for other women, e.g. in domestic violence cases

Being looked upon with suspicion is thus common. Or as fair game. Being accused of being a boxsi is no joke either. We come across cases where accusations of witchcraft result in women being killed.

What really hits hard is that even wanting to be independent is just not really on here. And being a widow as result from the conflict makes it extra complicated. The social constructs that limits a Nepali widow have been, and are still hard for me to wrap my head around. I see them sometimes. And they are easy to identify. Any age, completely dressed in white they are suppose to live the rest if their life in compliance with whoever(family members or associates) that take pity on them. They are not allowed to get remarried and they are expected to stay dressed in white for the rest of their days. Somehow it seems that it is their fault that their husband died.

But in our village a woman, let's call her Deepa has against the odds kept the business after her husband passed away. It is hard to describe how unusual this is. She runs her little restaurant/tea /bar out of her home. Guests come in, have a chia(tea), some grilled meat or a standard dhalbhat (rice, lentils, vegetables) or have a couple of beers or more than a few cups of rakhsi(strong and nice local home made liquour). They use the bed as a chair, cigarett butts end up on the floor and I often wondered how the young teenage daughter is fairing in all this. If she has learnt to stand up for herself. I don't know if her mother was(or is)associated with a Maoist party. Or an armed group. Or if her husband was. I dont't know what the talk of the town is but from talking to our partners and supporters I know that she is an abnormality. And in my heart I feel sad. Why is it that a women in Nepal still are likely to be punished for her husbands political activities, is seen as a fallen women because she has no man looking after her? And I wonder about the future of her daughter. Will she not be able to marry? Or will she be forced to marry somebody, anybody that will have her? Despite the fact that her father is dead.